she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
