"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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