The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am available for nakedness
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
