Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
