You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
