Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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