I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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