please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
