Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
