my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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