I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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