Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
