There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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