I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
