it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
