Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
