$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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