it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
