I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
