Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
