he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
