I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
