he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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