i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
