Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
