we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
