Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
