I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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