You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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