I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Will exercising make me less horny?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
