you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
