i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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