Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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