apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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