I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
