I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
