when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
