if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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