let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
