I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
