I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That accounts for only three of the penises
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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