I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
