I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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