This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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