worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
