i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
