I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
