im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
