is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
