At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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