ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
