why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
