Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
